Intense, huh? Well, personally, I'm not sure if hiring a slapper would work so well for me. Here's why:
(1) Although I do procrastinate quite a bit, I actually have something to show for my procrastination. Last year, I actually wrote a philosophical paper on procrastination and presented it at a few philosophy conferences around the country. In the paper, I compare procrastination to standard accounts of weakness of will (or akrasia, if you prefer the Greek term). My view is that procrastination is different from weakness of will, because while weakness of will assumes that what one is being weak-willed over (say, having more ice-cream than you should be having, or sleeping with somebody you shouldn't be sleeping with) is a bad thing, procrastination can actually be a good thing and lead to good outcomes in some cases, such as writing an academic paper on procrastination!
I have since submitted the paper to a philosophy journal, where it is now under review. Hopefully, it will get published, and then I will be able to join the illustrious ranks of published philosophers :-) Oh, and if you want to read the paper, email me and I'll send you a copy.
(2) I can say that at least half of the posts on this blog were written when I was procrastinating and not doing my "real" work. So at least half this blog owes its existence to procrastination! I don't know if this is a good thing. You decide.
(3) Having said all this, if you need a slapper, please consider hiring me. Well, then again, maybe not: I have developed a fair amount of upper-body strength from my Ashtanga practice, and you might end up getting more than what you paid for. Talk about value for money... Never mind.
Speaking of afflictions of our age, President Obama recently identified another such affliction: Romnesia! Check out his recent speech in Fairfax, Virginia, in which he describes the symptoms of this painful condition and what you can do if you find yourself thus afflicted:
Well, now you know what my political views are. I've never said I'm apolitical, anyway. In any case, not being a citizen of these United States, I can't vote in the upcoming elections. But still, what needs to be said, needs to be said.
Alright... I've procrastinated enough. I need to get back to my "real" work now. More later.