Sunday, May 22, 2011

Six Important Lessons From Yogi Victor

Hail the latest celebrity yoga teacher... Yogi Victor! Can't wait to pack my bags and go take a workshop with this guy :-)

I wonder which yoga style this guy is trained in, and where his studio is located... apparently, according to the video, his studio is called the Yoga Spot, and it's somewhere in Texas, I'm guessing? Well, if any of you guys out there know anything, let me know.

In any case, this video is so hilarious (and insightful, in a very off-beat way) that I had to watch it three times. These are some important lessons I learnt from Yogi Victor:

1. You should evacuate your bowels between 4 and 6 a.m.

This is very insightful, especially in light of my recent post on bowel movements, and the interesting conversation it sparked. Wow, this Yogi Victor must be psychic or something: How did he know that I had been thinking about bowel movements?

Remember, you need to make sure your pipes are cleaned everyday between 4 and 6 a.m. Otherwise, you might not be able to put your leg behind your head (or your head behind your leg, for that matter).

2. Lunch is one of the worst things you can do to yourself.

Lunch is one of the worst things you can do to yourself... next to breakfast and dinner! Which means that if you desire to attain the greatest heights of yogic power, you should stop eating! But if one stops eating, then what would one be evacuating when one evacuates one's bowels? Well, residual toxins, of course! Which is why it is all the more important that one stops eating! If one keeps taking in all that bad stuff, how is the real work of evacuating toxins ever to begin?
3. Yoga mats in certain places in Texas have "Welcome" printed on them. 

No offense to those of you from Texas, but if the King of the Hill says so, it must be true, right? :-) 

4. Breathe through your feet.

Now, this is new! So nostrils grow on our feet too? Who knew? Actually, come to think of it, this might be the secret to getting Karandavasana: If you can breathe through your other nose (the one on your feet), then you can take in more prana than the average yogi. And this is an especially useful skill to have in an upside down position, when your feet are actually higher than your head, and are in a better position to take in air (if you know how to use those feet-nostrils, that is...). Gee, another reason to sign up for one of Yogi Victor's workshops, so I can learn how to activate these feet-nostrils :-) 

5. It's not working; it is.

Need I say more? 

6. Most men desire control; yogis control desire. 

Ditto my comments on point 5. 

Oh, and one more thing: Anybody know where I can get Yogi Victor's new relaxation tape of him making ocean noises? :-)

Gosh, this Yogi Victor is so life-changing! I learnt more in four and a half minutes than I have ever learnt in my entire yoga career before that!

Note to reader: You know this whole thing is a joke, right?


  1. It is very amusing! I watched it in the ad breaks on TV last night (during the first episode of the mini-series about the Kennedy's - no wonder they didn't want it shown on American TV!) Anyway, back to Yogi Victor - I particularly liked his lbh poses in the last bit. I'm sure those Review Board guys were life-changingly impressed!

  2. Yes, susiegb, those Review Board people must have been very impressed; in fact, they might even be at Yogi Victor's classes right now :-)

  3. well not really a joke, since some of those are truisms, to a point. lunch is good for you if you eat breakfast, then skip or eat lightly at dinner.

    yoga works - truism. Does Yogi Victor controls his desire? He really oggles the women in the class. maybe it stops at that. we don't know. we would need a sequel.

    I do like his leg extension at the courthouse, with leg behind the head used to point to people.

  4. This is great, very funny! my favorite part is where he says that the energy in the court room is terrible... yeah, probably little prana there

  5. Yes, Arturo, I agree that some of these points are truisms, to an extent. I also like his lbh pointing at people thing :-)

    Yes, I hope there is a sequel to this too :-)

  6. Claudia: Hahaha! Well, I think my favorite part is still the part where he uses his lbh abilities to point at the people on the Review Board.

  7. For some strange reason, Yogi Victor reminds me of a certain famous Yoga teacher who, er, married his student... *please don't stone me*

    Thanks for posting this, Nobel! Nothing like wicked humour on a Monday afternoon in the office :)

  8. Yes, yoginicory, I see the resemblance, down to the ponytail :-)

    At the exact time when you posted this comment, I was just getting out of bed! And you were wrapping up a day at work on the other side of the world. How interesting!